Jul 21, 2022
I’m Seeing Myself Become the Villain
My seriousness has faded. I’ve gone from living my ideal perception to declining to a state of disarray and confusion. The skills that I once possessed and the rationale that I held have seemingly slipped away from me. Just now, I’ve come to the realization that all the aspirations that I’d fabricated whilst on vacation, where I was unable to thrust forward in the pursuit of knowledge, are remaining unfulfilled.
My question lies in the reason behind my demise. I’ve previously discerned such strong feats of efficiency from myself, accomplish heavy workloads within minute durations of time. Not only was my efficiency building up, but my motivation aligned with my desires, allowing me to practically envision my success, but then I was forced to put a halt to this activity.
Travelling to India for a month was an incredibly enjoyable experience and I elevated my philosophical and psychological understand whilst I was there. However, ever since I have returned, around 3 days ago, I’ve observed countless distractions, less motivation, quick physical tiring, and no clue as to the cause of my insolence.
As an individual who’s generally been good at reflecting and deciphering the root cause of my predicaments, I’m stuck in an abyss of cluelessness. In fact, as I write this, I’m having difficulty conjuring up words and describing the polarity my mind is currently in. Though I know little to none will read this article, admission of my insecurity and vanity itself is providing me with some much-needed serenity.
Seemingly all that previously came easy to me are now rigorous and as I attempt to seek out my solidified knowledge, I see the mind of an average individual within myself. I’ve always strived for excellence and I’ve been validated through my success, but I’m slowly starting to decline and I know that if I don’t return to my previous state, those successes will be short-lived and will indefinitely turn to failures.
If by some miracle someone does read this up to this point, I would seriously appreciate any advice or suggestions from your part. I’ll take anything to ameliorate myself and I’m currently more open than ever before. My goal lies in returning to a state greater than my previous one by the inception of August. However, I still aim to be successful in the coming 9 days as well, for time is too valuable to waste away towards this singular goal. I shall return and create a follow-up on August 1st, and leave an update on my state of mind.
